The Hand That Holds Mine by Jennifer Loren

It’s the belief within myself, the intention I put behind actions, and not beating myself up that I only read 40 books instead of 45. It’s a big lesson for me to actually brush that “if only” aside and focus on what I *am* and what I *did* do, or what I *can*. Well you’re not, and you aren’t, and you didn’t, so what is this helping? “If only I was taller.” “If only I’d been able to finish that draft by March.” “If only I was able to go there.” As people give power to words said aloud, there’s also power in the unspoken words you think to yourself, too. And “If only…” is the worst beginning to a sentence. “I didn’t get such and such because I wasn’t realistic enough.” What the hell IS realistic? There are billionaires with 500 or more houses, THAT’S not realistic. So if I falter at hurdles when nearing those dreams, I berate myself. It shouldn’t matter that I didn’t suddenly explode into publishing, only that I kept writing even when my heart was broken. It shouldn’t matter that I haven’t travelled the entire world, only that I’ve made time to learn about it and maybe, even, discover things closer to home. It shouldn’t matter how many books I read, only that I’ve read books. Towards the end of the year, I grieved a loss.Ģ019 shaped my view of what I want 2020 to be, and what I can do when I put my mind to it.

I worked hard on getting the 70k words I wrote, I got a health diagnosis to hopefully make 2020 even better.

I read books that thrilled me, and made me imrpove as a writer. Most of that didn’t happen, and that’s okay. I wanted to travel to places, meet author friends, explore more corners of the country. I wanted to finish my book, edit it, query it, get an agent. I wanted to read loads of classics, I wanted to fill my time with reading.

The Hand That Holds Mine by Jennifer Loren